This May Concern You

To The Turkeys That Have Lost Their Lives In Preparation for Tomorrow,

Truth be told, you never stood a chance. Your fate was resigned. You should be thankful that the Pilgrims, Natives and/or some revisionist’s historians chose you over the chicken.

Think about it. You easily could be our favorite bird to mass consume instead of the one we prey on en masse every November. Be grateful because plenty of your kinfolk have been spared, though some of them have been roasted like, well, you.

There’s Palin, Sanford, Blagojevich, Kanye, Lil Mama, The Detroit Lions, Larry Johnson, Mark Mangino, Jon Gosselin, Richard Heene and many more.

Anyway, thanks for knowing your role unlike them, and we’ll see you tomorrow, right after the Lions lose.

Dueces,

Dame

Question: Who’s the biggest turkey of 2009 in your book?

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. I’m out until next week.